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Kex's Corner.
TRAVEL TALES: Kex and Joy in Sin City
DAY ONE:
We need to begin this discussion by having a brief word with people who work in airport security, particularly at Denver International Airport. I get it people: You have a crappy job and you don't get paid much to do it. I can't even imagine what constitutes a good day on that job. But here is the deal: Being subjected to you doing your job is no picnic for us either. Aspects of it are a bit humiliating, and a lot of people are naturally stressed by flying, or are dealing with other unpleasant aspects stemming from having to fly somewhere. It really wouldn't kill to you try to be at least a little bit pleasant. At worst, try to smile once in awhile...you just might find that it makes your job suck a little less.
Next, a word with the flying public. This overhead carry on thing was bad before, but now it is getting completely out of hand. Some of you were already dragging on items that were probably too large to begin with, and now you are overstuffing them to the point where there is no way they are going to fit in the overhead compartments without a shoe horn and a LOT of shoving. I understand that some of you think that you are saving time by skipping the baggage claim area. But the reality is that in most airports, by the time you navigate your way from the concourse to the terminal, your bags are arriving about the same time anyway...particularly when we are delayed getting off the plane by waiting on you to get your oversized, jammed baggage out of the overheads. Remember also that you are generally delaying the plane 10 to 15 minutes by having to try to get all your crap in the overheads to begin with. So the 5 minutes you are saving are more than lost by the extra 20-30 minutes you are creating in increasing boarding time and deplaning time.
The public isn't solely at fault here either. Allow me to recommend a simple solution here...I'm speaking to you, now, airline people: STOP charging for luggage. It's dumb. If you really need to increase your revenues, raise my ticket prices. The simple fact of the matter is, it doesn't make much difference to me whether I am paying $xxx or $xxx + $20 for the ticket. If it is the lowest price or gets me there when I want to be there, I'm going to pay the price. So let's stop playing this dumb game. You are only encouraging bad behavior.
We arrived in Vegas early Friday morning after a reasonably pleasant flight. I booked us one of those packages that includes both flight and hotel, and the people in Vegas who arrange those packages like to get you into town as early as possible and have you leave as late as possible, consequently we arrived a few hours before we could check into our motel room. So we checked our bags at the motel and went out exploring. The first order of business was eating breakfast. Since Jimmy Buffet's place was more or less across the street from our motel, we ate there. Like most restaurant food in Vegas it was a bit overpriced, but not bad...still, I wouldn't recommed that Jimmy quit his day job.
We then spent some time exploring the Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace. The place is loaded with stores displaying merchandise that I probably wouldn't buy even if I could afford it, but it was sort of fun to walk through. We then went to this little kiosk store and bought some ridiculously overpriced ice cream. Actually, they call it "gelato." It was good, but after looking up "gelato," I discovered that it is Italian for "ridiculously overpriced ice cream."
By the time we finished that adventure we were able to check into our room. We stayed at the Imperial Palace. The rooms there aren't as fancy as some of the shiny new hotels, but it met our needs quite well. The only downside was that the mattresses were a bit on the firm side. How firm? Think of Fred Flintstone's bed....right about in that class. However, we came home tired enough most of the nights that we could have slept on the floor.
After getting situated in the room, we headed out to Mme Toussaud's Wax Museum. That was a lot of fun. They let us pose with any of the statues we wanted to. We had fun there and did a little souvenir hunting in nearby shops. We had tickets for a show Friday night and we didn't want to carry our treasures in with us. So I walked back to the hotel while Joyce found a spot to sit and rest. When one is walking along the strip in Vegas, you are almost certain to encounter lines of illegal aliens handing out these little cards with names and pictures of ladies for hire on them. Evidently they are paid by the number of cards they give out. Consequently, they are very annoying in their efforts to get you to take one. I thought that I had successfully navigated my way through the lines, but when we got home that night, Joyce found about 8 of them that had been tossed into my bag. That is kind of a shame, because if I had got two more, I'd have had a complete set.
After going back and finding Joyce (I only got lost once) we headed over to the Mirage to catch the Terry Fator show. Terry Fator is the ventriloquist who won on America's Got Talent a few years ago. He is every bit as good as Jeff Dunham, who is a bit more popular these days. Dunham is probably better at straight comedy, but Fator does celebrity impressions both by voice and singing as well. Overall, I'd say Fator is the more talented fo the two, although they are both terrific. That show brought an end to our day one adventures.
DAY 2:
Having drained a lot of our energy on the first day, we had a much lighter day planned for day 2. After sleeping in pretty late, I got up and began searching for the free shuttle that would transport us from our hotel to the Rio, where we had tickets to see Penn and Teller. Those not familiar with the Las Vegas strip might be unaware that most of the hotels on the strip are not only massive in their own right, but many of them are connected together. For example, the Imperial Palace where we stayed is directly connected to Harrah's next door so you can go from one to the other without ever setting foot outdoors. There is a shuttle that permits guests at Imperial and Harrah's to go to the Rio which is a couple of miles west of the strip. The only problem is that it is a bear to find, and there are very few signs inside offering direction. After numerous false starts and trial and error, we eventually found the shuttle.
Actually our route wasn't all that direct. First we gambled away the five dollar credits the hotel gave us for staying there. That took a couple of seconds. At this point I should probably note that technology has changed the way games are played in Vegas and probably elsewhere considerably since I was last in a casino. Gone are the days when you pumped change into the machines, permitting you some idea of how much you are actually spending. These days you put bills into the machines, then you can play pennies, nickels, dimes quarters or whatever you want to wager. That seems a bit dangerous to me, but fortunately neither of us are gamblers and we didn't leave much behind...more on that later.
Upon arriving at the Rio, we explored the overpriced retail shops, ate, watched some sporting events in the sports book area and Joyce got introduced to the game of Keno. She won the very first game in the series, but never managed another win. We quickly learned that it isn't as easy as it looks. Like most games in Vegas, the odds are always in favor of the house...typically not by much, but just enough so that you'll keep playing with the hope of victory. That of course, is an illusion.
We then enjoyed the Penn and Teller show, which mostly involves spending ninety minutes with them messing with your mind. It is all in fun and very entertaining. I would also note that Penn Jillette along with James Randi have performed invaluable services to the Committee for Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal (CSICOP) in exposing the methods of charlatans like Slyvia Brown and John Edwards who claim various psychic powers but are really just praying on vunerable people. Magicians are a lot harder to fool than scientists. After the show we returned to our hotel for a good night's sleep.
DAY 3:
Major shopping day. We bought day passes on the strip's bus line, and began by heading south. That took us to a destination Joyce was very much looking forward to, the M&M's World Store. The posted over, under on how much Joyce would spend there was $150. Those of you who bet the "under" may cash in your winning tickets...but just barely. Right next door to M&M's World is the Coca-Cola store. Close as I have been able to determine, if you want to drink a Coke in Las Vegas, that is the only place to buy it. Every restaurant and casino in Vegas seems to have a contract with Pepsi. You Coke people ought to try to get your feet back in the door somewhere.
Then we headed back north to the "downtown' area. That was kind of fun for me because the last time I was in Vegas, and it was quite awhile ago, the strip was just starting to build up and for all intents and purposes, the downtown area WAS Vegas. That area has undergone kind of an interesting transformation. Here in Colorado, we have limited stakes gambling in the old mining towns of Central City and Blackhawk. What were once touristy souvenir stores have been transformed into casinos. Curiously in Vegas, a lot of the old downtown casinos have been turned into souvenir stores. I found that ironic.
We then ventured into what the self-proclaimed "largest souvenir store in the world," Bonanzas. It is definitely large, but whether or not it is actually the largest is anyone's guess..
The headliner at the Imperial Palace was Frank Marino, who is a rather famous female impersonator. In his show he does impressions of all sorts of past and present L.V. Divas. Maybe that is why the show is called "Divas." We didn't go see his show, but imagine my shock when we happened to notice that he was featured on the cover of Gay Las Vegas Magazine.. We saw a copy of it in one of those street boxes that have all the tacky tabloids. You could have knocked me over with a feather.
By the way, I know how I'm going to make a kajillion dollars. I'm going to open a store in Vegas that only sells one thing; short, low cut, slutty little black dresses. I happened to notice that those are almost required uniforms on Saturday nights in Vegas...even for some of the guys.
Our long day of shopping brought a close to day 3 in Vegas...the treasures we accumulated, particularly Joyce's haul in the M&M store should be arriving by train anytime now.
DAY4:
We had to check out of the hotel by 11, but our flight wasn't leaving until after 8 PM, so we had a lot of time to kill. We checked out of the hotel and checked our luggage, then headed across the street to the Mirage to eat. After breakfast, we went to Seigfried and Roy's Secret Garden. It isn't very secret though, because we found it. In fact, there are signs up all over the place. Once there, you get to see dolphins and some of their exotic cats like white lions and tigers. It was a great place to kill a couple of hours. Then we headed back over to the Bellagio in hopes of watching the dancing fountains a couple of more times. Unfortunately it was only 1 PM and they don't start the fountain shows until 3. So across the street we went and explored Paris.
Here is something startling: After a couple of days, one casino looks pretty much like another and if you've seen one store with overpriced crap you wouldn't buy anyway, you've seen them all. It was kind of cold and windy outside, but we braved the weather and rode ot the top of the Eiffel Tower. It was pretty during the day...I imagine it is magnificent at night. It must be, because they charge you an extra 5 bucks at night.
We then went to a buffet and ate overpriced but very good French food. By that time we had an opportuity to watch the fountains a couple of times, then head back to the Imperial Palace to catch our shuttle back to the airport. Little were we aware that we were about to watch the best comedy show of the trip.
There were two flights heading to Denver that night out of the same gate. One was supposed to leave a little after 7PM. Our flight was scheduled to leave a little after 8. Both flights had similar flight numbers, the higher of the two was actually the 7 PM flight. However, the first flight was late getting into Vegas, and they didn't even start boarding the early flight until about the time our flight was supposed to board. Consequently, the scene at that gate was a comedy of passenger stupidity and airline incompetence... Yes Frontier Airlines, I'm talking to YOU. Not only were people from the late flight attempting to board the early one despite the fact that a few announcements were being made, the airline people at the gate weren't paying close enough attention to the tickets and letting them on. That led to the correct passengers boarding and finding people in their seats, and the airline people having to get the wrong passengers off. Meanwhile, our plane was sitting out on the tarmack waiting for that one to get boarded and leave so that we could get out of there. Even as bad of a fiasco as it was, everything eventually got straightened out and we left about a half hour late.
So the final score in terms of our gambling activity: We both lost $5 in free vouchers...that doesn't count. Joyce lost $5 on a machine while I was looking in a store and she dropped about $20 playing Keno, although she won $1 back. I won $3.55 on a poker machine (TAKE THAT VEGAS!!!), but I also have 2 sports bets riding: $20 on the Colorado Rockies to win the National League Pennant at 8-1 and $20 on the Rockies to win the World Series at 20-1. So we could still come out ahead and at worst, we didn't lose very much. Suffice it to say that those glitzy motels weren't built on the backs of folks like us.
We had a great time and as usual, we were shown a lot of hospitality by a lot of people...I'm sure we'll return soon, although a 3 or 4 day visit is about all I can handle. I invented a new game on the plane on the way home. Next time we are there and I see a line of guys handing out those girly cards, I'm going to shout "IMMIGRE!!!!" That should be fun. Vegas is a fun place, but it has its downsides for sure...Alan Parson's Project hinted at those in a song a couple of decades ago:
TRAVEL TALES: Kex and Joy Deep In Ole Dixie:
DAY 1: Once again this year, I need to have a discussion with some of you. Again, the topic is flying etiquette. Look, folks, we are all getting on the same plane. The airlines have established a boarding system that we are going to discuss in a moment. But the point is, let's say that your ticket is Zone 4. Everybody on the plane is going to board before your group does. That is a simple fact. Sucks to be you. But the plane isn't going to leave without you as long as you are there. So sit down and relax until your Zone group is called. There is no point whatsover in milling around near the boarding door getting in everyone else's way. All you are doing is being a jerk, and it pisses me off. Once again, sit your fanny down and relax. I personally promise that we will not leave you behind, badly as you probably deserve it.
Now, I want to talk to the airlines for a minute. I realize that first class passengers pay more than everyone else. I realize you think that entitles them to get on the plane first. Fine. I can accept that. But once you have them on board, why not board the plane from the back to the front? It makes sense for two reasons: First, the people boarding first are moving to the back of the plane, easing congestion. Second, all those idiots are standing around by the boarding door in everyone elses's way anyway, so let's get their butts out of the way! They seem to be convinced we are going to take off without them, so I have no problem with letting them get on so I don't have to wrestle my way around them.
So, we were hoping to arrive in Orlando the day before the shuttle launch, but the good people at National Aeronautics and Space Administration-Manned Spaceflight Division decided to move the launch date up one day. That didn't bother me much, because the thing usually gets delayed anyway. But as launch time approached, nothing was stopping the countdown. But the time we arrived in Charolette, N.C. things were looking kind of bad. The last hope I had was for bad weather. It was rainy in Charolette. and the cloud cover looked heavy a long way to the south, so my hopes remained kind of high. Once we began heading for Orlando, they were boosted somewhat by the fact that winds were extremely high above 30,000 ft. which could have also postponed the launch. It didn't happen though. The shuttle launched, and we landed an hour late because we had to take a different route to Orlando owing to the normal F.A.A. regulations providing a restricted zone in the area on shuttle launch days.
The F.A.A. doesn't provide a restriction zone due to hazards commerical and private aircraft prose to the shuttle. That is a minor consideration at best. The restriction zone is actually to protect other aircraft. To fully explain that, I have to tell you about the guy who has, in my humble opinion, the suckiest job in the history of the universe.
You see, the Space Shuttle is an enormously complicated machine. There is a finite possibility that a failure in its guidance or propulsion systems could send it off course and in the direction of a major population center, like, say, downtown Orlando. Since it has an explosive potential similar to the power of a small nuclear device should it auger in, an event of that nature could kill more than 100,000 people. Now, here is something NASA will never tell you on any tour. It isn't a secret, but it's something nobody talks about. There is a guy who sits behind a console who's job it is, should he be ordered by the flight director, to activate a device that will reduce the Shuttle and everything and everyone aboard it to a rain of debris mostly about the size of your thumb. That is a job nobody really wants, and has to be held by someone in whom absolute trust can be invested, obviously.
Further, should something catastrophic happen to the shuttle apart from being destroyed on command, particularly if it is at high altitude, the debris can remain aloft for quite some time, presenting a danger to other aircraft. Consequently, if you happen to be flying near Florida on a day of a launch, be prepared for the possibility of arriving at your destination late. I really didn't mind the shuttle launching a day early that much, but....GEE WHIZ!!!!!
Anyway, we arrived safely, and managed to achieve the nearly impossible feat of getting out of Orlando International Airport. Some of you probably know what I mean. We are staying in a nice motel near Lake Tohopekaliga. Naturally I can't pronounce that, so hence forth, it is Alligator Lips Lake. There is also an East Lake Tohopekaliga, but the world doesn't need that, so it is now East Alligator Lips Lake.
Alligator Sightings To Date: 0
Day 2: Orlando is an amusement park. Pretty much the whole city, I mean. There are 4 Disney Parks, Water World, Universal Studios, a couple of kajillion water parks, Olde Town, and a Christian themed amusement park... I realize that this is pretty much the buckle on the Bible Belt, but do we really need to turn Jesus into a thrill ride? Oh! I forgot one: The soon to be constructed, Kex's Amazing World Land. I just bought the land from a guy real cheap! I can't wait to see it.
Today, we did the grand tour of Kennedy Space Center. Someone has managed to turn it into an amusement park as well. There are even rides. I'm making light here a little, but I really strongly encourage anyone who has the opportunity to visit KSC sometime...not KFC...KSC. Here is something you may not know: The largest federal wildlife preserve in the U.S. is The Everglades. The second largest federal wildlife preserve in the U.S. is KSC. NASA doesn't use most of the land, so the entire area is left for wildlife to flourish. So there are two pretty good reasons to visit: One is to learn a lot about our space program, and the other is to see birds, alligators and maybe a manatee or two if you are lucky.
After departing KSC, we took a quick little trip down to Cocoa Beach. Way back in the very early days of Project Mercury, before the area was developed, John Glenn and Scott Carpenter used to run on Cocoa Beach. Another astronaut who only lived on a T.V. show lived in Cocoa Beach; Major Anthony Nelson. Then one day, he got fed up with putting his life on the line in the most dangerous job in the world for a dinky salary, so he had his Genie turn him into a wealthy Texas oilman. However, there is a street called "I Dream Of Jeannie Lane" in Cocoa Beach. I can understand that, but can someone explain "Leave It To Beaver" Lane in Orlando? I don't get that one.
BTW, I need some email from you Floridians. Do you people ever get your cars serviced? This state has more dead cars, most of them comparatively new, along side the road than any other state in the U.S...why?
Oh yeah...I saw the land for the new K.A.W. Land...ummm, I think we'll postpone construction....
Alligator Sightings: One alive in a NASA storm drain. Two roadkill.
Day 3:The only downside to the journey thus far: The motel we are staying in is supposed to have a wifi available in the room I reserved so that I can do these updates. It isn't working. The good news: The motel next door has one that I've been able to hack into. Yay for our team.
We spent today at Epcot. It's cool and I like it. We took in about half of it today, and we'll return Friday. But I made a lot of observations today that will help me with the design and construction of Kex's Amazing World Land, which will begin as soon as I get the swamp drained. Allow me to note that none of the observations I'm about to relate necessarily apply to Disney per se, because nobody in the world does a better job of running amusement parks.
I've already decided on the theme for Kex's Amazing World Land. It's going to be my advertising slogan. It will be, "Kex's Amazing World Land: The most realistic amusement park on Earth." You see, there are all sorts of theme parks out there that try to attract you with gimmicks. I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to make you come by promising you everything you know you are going to see anyway. So here is what we are going to have at K.A.W. Land:
WHINING SCREAMING LITTLE KID WORLD: Watch painfully annoying kids throw tantrums when their parents won't let them do what they want. See then throw hissy fits when their parents won't let them buy cheap, overpriced crap in my gift shops that will break ten minutes after they buy it. Thrill to the sight of frustrated parents pleading with, scolding and eventually beating their offspring. Unparalled entertainment is promised for all.
INSUFFERABLE TRAILER TRASH WORLD: See people wearing outfits entirely inappropriate for their age group and or body type. See them wandering around attempting to enter areas clearly marked for employees only, and wondering why they can't get in. See the amusing bickering between spouses who can't figure out where they are or where they are going. Watch in amusement as they collide with other guests, get in everyone's way and cut into lines without apology. The highlight in this area of the park is an IMAX presentation featuring short clips of all the trailer parks that have been destroyed by tornados, hurricanes, floods and other natural disasters in the past calendar year. This presentation lasts 6 hours and 47 minutes.
ANNOYING FOREIGNER WORLD: Amuse yourself to the site of people who don't speak English trying to make themselves understood. See them attempting to negotiate prices in the gift shops, as impatient employees show them the door. Watch as other guests treat them with complete disrespect and intolerance.
OBNOXIOUS MINIMUM WAGE EMPLOYEE WORLD: Thrill to the site of completely disinterested employees providing the worst service possible to guests. See them treat guests with complete indifference and disrespect. Watch with amusement as they ignore guests while talking on cell phones or texting friends. Employees who acquire the most complaints are given positive reviews and given raises; "employee of the month honors" are given to the employee who pisses off the most guests.
Of course, other attractions at K.A.W. Land will include a whole hosts of rides that either don't work at all or are down for service, overpriced food and a gift shops with a whole assortment of tee-shirts with monkeys on them and every piece of plastic crap you can imagine with K.A.W. and images of Kex plastered on it.
Alligator sightings today: 0 Meals so far where I've had the opportunity to eat grits, assuming that I had the slightest desire to do so: 4.
Day 4: It does rain sometimes in Florida. It is doing so right now. It rained briefly after we first arrived Monday afternoon. It started raining just after we returned to our motel room Tuesday night and rained all night. Then it started raining as we were getting ready to return to our room today. Thank goodness it does rain here sometimes. Otherwise it would be so darned hot that nobody could stand it. The down side, however, is that it is so humid here that it is hard for those of us from high altitude, low humidity locations to breathe. Even if a breeze comes up, it doesn't help to cool things down much because only hurricane force winds (which they have here now and then) are strong enough to move the air.
Today we went to Disney's Wild Kingdom. It is among the smaller Disney Parks, so I figured we could make sort of a short day of it and rest back up a bit. We started off by going on the Kilamanjaro Safari. That is a pretty neat experience, because the Disney people have done a good job creating the illusion that the animals are all roaming freely without fences.
When we got off the ride, we got to watch a woman have a total meltdown during the course of an argument with some friend or relative over the way she was treating her child. It kind of raised questions about who the wild animals really were in the park. We then toured Dinosaur World a bit, mostly because the company of the long extinct creatures seemed less menacing than that lady.
A short time later, the day became overpoweringly hot, which slowed our already relaxed pace considerably. We attended a live action/puppet musical version of Finding Nemo. Sometimes things that are mostly intended just to get you out of the heat can turn out pretty cool. We enjoyed the play enormously. By the time that was over, we watched a typical but enjoyable Disney parade, then headed for Downtown Disney. Owing to the nature of Wild Kingdom, the park closes significantly earlier than most Disney Parks. We did a little shopping in Downtown Disney, then came back to our room. Another day to complete our explorations at Epcot awaits tomorrow.
Alligator sightings today: One wild, two captive and several Nile Crocodiles captive.
Cardinal Sightings today: Two, which is two more than I saw during our entire vacation in Chicago last year.
Day 5: If I ever knew this at some point in the past I forgot it: EPCOT stands for Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow. If it is the community of tomorrow, we are all destined to move in with a lot of money and leave broke. It is sort of like when the Republicans are in charge of the country. The only difference between leaving Epcot broke and putting up with the Republicans is that at least you get to leave Epcot with a lot of cool stuff. The Republicans just steal everything you have and tell you it was good for you. Why some people still believe their crap escapes me.
Anyway, I only have one problem with visiting Epcot, or any Disney Park for that matter. I tend to get so caught up in thinking about how the ride itself and the various sights and sounds within the rides work that I probably miss a lot of things. Then again, I probably have a much fun as anyone else, so maybe it doesn't matter a whole lot.
A lot of people probably do forget that Epcot isn't just an amusement park. There is a lot of pretty good scientific reasearch in progress there, especially in innovative agricultural techniques. There is also an amazing amount of engineering advancement going on there which translates into the cool attractions we all enjoy, but at the same time the innovative ideas have a lot of practical applications that filter outside the park. So beyond being just a fun place to visit and spend a lot of money, you are also funding some good research by visiting there.
We also got to see a Jose Feliciano concert at Epcot today. I think we were the youngest people in the audience. Nonetheless, it was packed. He can still belt out a nice tune. It is great to know that there are still artists out there who can sing a song without spewing out strings of obscenities. In fact, there wasn't a single one in any of his songs. What a concept.
Our Disney/Orlando part of the vacation has come to a close. Now the baseball part of the vacation begins. Tomorrow we'll be heading out for Tampa/St. Petersburg to take in the game between Tampa Bay and Cleveland Saturday evening, then it will be on to Atlanta Sunday where we'll meet up with the Rockies on Monday. I'm not sure what our internet situation is going to be the next couple of days. An update for Day 6 posted on day 6 appears a bit unlikely, but it will get on here as soon as I can swing it.
Alligator sightings today: No wild ones, several in one of the Epcot research facilities.
Total days during the vacation I haven't seen an alligator: 1
Day 6: Evidently just eating grits has become too dull to the palate of those who have developed a taste for that particular dish. I am advised that it is an acquired taste. Today, I had the opportunity to chose between either plain grits or cheese grits. I chose option 3; something else. I have eaten grits once in my life, and I didn't puke or anything, but I really doubt at this point that I have enough years left on the planet to develop a taste for them. Therefore I have no intention of making the effort; cheese grits or plain.
Today, we made the drive from Orlando to the Tampa Bay area. Technically, we are staying in Clearwater, which is just north of St. Petersburg. The metroplex that is comprised of St.Pete and Tampa is collectively referred to by the locals as Tampa Bay. Evidently the people in this area have adopted a share of civic pride by associating themselves with a body of water.
Once upon a time, way back when the Tampa Bay Buccaneers football team first came into the NFL, they played in Green Bay. The Packers put their name on the scoreboard as "Tampa." Anxious to make a point that the team represents a geographic region and not just the city of Tampa, the Bucs got even when Green Bay paid a visit to Tampa Bay. They simply put the Packers name on the scoreboard as "Green."
On the trip over here, we saw about a dozen more cars dead along side the road. The mystery continues. Maybe the humidity kills cars down here. It sure is sapping my energy. Once we got checked into our motel room, we rested briefly, then headed out for Tropicana Field, home of the Tampa Bay Rays. They used to be the Devil Rays, but somebody decided to give them a duel identity that could be associated with both the Florida sunshine (which I'm beginning to think is a bit of embelishment; it poured rain shortly after the end of today's game) and the fish. The first year after they became The Rays instead of The Devil Rays they had their first winning season ever and went to the World Series. So far this year, they are following in the footsteps of the Rockies by showing signs of being a flop in the year after their first Series appearance. They did win today by a score of 4-2.
Tropicana Field is a domed stadium that reminds me of a 15 year-old multiplex theater. It is functional and reasonably comfortable, but utterly lacking in personality and showing its age. The only really unique feature of the stadium is the ray tank in right center field. If you want to stand in line for a long time, you can go out and see, feed and even touch the rays in the tank. We opted out.
There was a good crowd for the game today, probably because all of the fans were getting Evan Longoria figurines commemorating his winning American League Rookie of the Year honors last season. The Rays fans were friendly toward us, which wasn't terribly unusual since they were playing Cleveland and not Colorado. There were quite a few Cleveland fans in evidence as well. I suspect that Tampa Bay fans are in a similar situation to Rockies fans. A lot of people who live here came from other places and retained their previous loyalites. A lot of fans probably visit the area from elsewhere too. Further complicating matters down here is the fact that a lot of teams conduct their spring training around here, so some fans who are native to this area probably developed allegiances prior to the birth of the Rays. The Philadelphia Philles have a beautiful spring training complex less than a mile from where we are staying. So people here are probably exceptionally tolerant of people pulling for the oposition.
Just as a side note, the Atlanta Braves have their spring training facility on the grounds of Disney Resorts at Disney Wide World of Sports. I'm not sure about the wisdom of doing your spring training at Disney World, but the Braves have enjoyed a lot of success over the past decade and a half, so maybe it isn't so dumb after all.
Tomorrow, we'll bid goodbye to the state of Florida and make the long drive up to Atlanta, Georgia.
Day 7: I could have been in a coma all week and I wouldn't have had any problem figuring out that I was in the south
just by driving from
St. Pete to Atlanta today. Now I don't want to go off on a rant here (well, maybe I do), but I wouldn't have had to
carefully study the vegetation or take note of the roadkill or even get an idea of the temperature and humidity. All I had to
do was take note of a few of the billboards along the way. There were actually lots of them but all most all of them were one
of five general topics.
The first type were the billboards with Biblical quotations urging me to save my soul, or something of that nature. If God
can't convince people to do that on their own simply by moving their spirit, I really doubt that a billboard is going to
be all that effective. The second type informed me of the evils of getting an abortion. Thanks a lot folks, but I really
wasn't planning on it anytime soon, and if I did, you'd really have something interesting to pray about. Then again, it
wouldn't be any of your business one way or another. The third type then informed me of the nearest places where I could
purchase guns and ammunition, most likely for the purpose of murdering one of God's defenseless wild animals.The fourth
type informed me where the nearest outlet was for purchasing porn and sex toys. For crying out loud, people, what do you
think the internet is for? Finally, there were billboards telling me where to buy fireworks so I could blow things up if
I felt so inclined. Those were mostly in Florida. Once you cross the Georgia border, those are replaced by businesses
euphemistically called "spas," but since the ads feature attractive women and seemed geared toward truckers, I'm kind of
thinking that there is something else going on there.
Consider the sum of the subjects covered: I'm not intending to imply that there is a certain degree of moral ambiguity
here in the Bible belt, so I'll just come right out and say it: There is a certain degree of moral ambiguity down here in
the Bible belt. You see, there are those of us who have a bit of a problem having morals preached to us by people who
really should be Focusing On Their own Family. If you are one nosy reporter away from having your own glass
house come crashing down, I really don't want your view of morality crammed down my throat, thank you very much.
By the way, I know this is a bit off topic, but I realize that you folks down here are really proud of your college football
teams, and they are admittedly pretty good. BUT... the 3 major teams in Florida always play 8 or 9 of their 12 scheduled
games inside the borders of the state of Florida. The worst weather they ever play in is a rainstorm. Then they go on and
play a bowl game in a warm weather city; pretty often Florida. Just once I'd like to see one of them have to play a game in
Lincoln, Nebraska or
Boulder, Colorado in real football weather in November. That would be a real test.
I realize that this is coming a 140 years late, but it's time somebody fessed up: Abe Lincoln made a mistake. He should have
let the southern states go. We can't do anything about the years that have passed, but we can do the right thing even if
it is late in coming. So let me be the first to step up to the plate: You have my permission to go; all of you...No hard
feelings and all due apologizes that it was so late in coming. Heck, I'll even throw in Notre Dame University, the state
of Utah and Dick Cheney as parting gifts. For some reason, Cheney can't get used to the idea that just about everyone who
lives north of the Mason-Dixon line rejected his antiquated, war-mongering ideas in the last election overwhelmingly, and
he needs to shut up and go away. But since he won't, you folks can have him.
But, that's just my opinion...I could be wrong.
I will say one thing more positive though. Southern folk are very friendly. The drive like crap, but they are friendly. So on second thought, if you want to stick around with us, that is fine with me too.
The drive to Atlanta went without incident, beyond the observation that you folks down here either never clean up blown out tires, or you blow them out at an incredible rate. If the latter is the case, I want to invest in a tire shop in Georgia. I also think someone needs to invent some sort of device to keep armidillos off the highway. Those poor little things don't have a chance.
Alligator sightings today: 0.
Days we have seen rain at some point since we have been in Florida: 5
Number of planned activities that have been altered due to rain: 0
Day 8: To call this a remarkable day would be something of an understatement. Things started off a bit shaky, but everything managed to work out incredibly well. We really didn't have a game plan for a two day visit to Atlanta, which is a bit unusual for an organization/control freak like myself. I knew there is a lot to do here, I just hadn't planned out this part of the trip. So after making a few hasty decisions over breakfast this morning, we headed out to Stone Mountain. That is where they have the carvings of Jeff Davis, Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson. It is kind of impressive. I doubt that there is a larger monument in the entire world to 3 guys who lost a war.
There is sort of a touristy village at the base of Stone Mountain, but it was closed today. So we obviously didn't spend much time there. We did take the tram to the top of the mountain. It was a nice view, but when you've been to the top of Pike's Peak, it rather humbles by comparison.
We then headed to the Jimmy Carter Presidential Library. We had two maps of Atlanta, and unfortunately I was looking at the bad one, so it took us rather longer than we planned to find it. As it turned out, it is presently closed for reinnovation. Since we couldn't see that, we went on to another option, the Cyclorama. It is a theater/museum which provides an indepth account of the Battle of Atlanta in the Civil War. Almost astonishingly, the only day of the week it is closed is Monday. Fortunately, the Atlanta Zoo was right next door. It wasn't anywhere in our plans, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. The zoo here is the home of the most impressive gorilla habitat of any zoo in the country. It is magnificent, and I managed to get a lot of great pictures. Better still, this happens to be one of 4 zoos in the country with Giant Pandas. I had never actually seen one before, so that was an incredible experience.
Then it was time to head for Turner Field and see the Rockies play the Braves. We entered the stadium in our Rockies gear with our Dinger (Rockies mascot) doll with us. That caused something of a sensation as everyone wanted to see him. Prior to the start of the game, we were hanging around the area of the Rockies bullpen when one of the security guys saw us and asked us if we were from Denver. After answering that we were, he disappeared for a moment, returning with a Braves game ball which he gave to me. Then he asked us where we were sitting. I had purchased tickets in the upper deck area, but he told us he could get us much better seats. We ended up sitting on the third baseline, 3 rows up.
One of the Braves field managers also came by and talked baseball with us for awhile. The fans around us were also wonderful. We were truly treated like royalty at Turner Field, and we are deeply greatful to all of the wonderful employees and fans their for making our visit there something beyond wonderfully memorable. It almost pains me to note that the Rockies won, 5-1...almost.
Day 9: Today we took it pretty easy. After 8 days of relatively fast paced adventures, we
were both pretty much spent. The day started off with a 9 A.M. tour of Turner Field. Since
we were the only ones there, it amounted to a private tour. We've done enough stadium tours
now that they are starting to look very similar. On the other hand, it is interesting to see
some of the subtle differences and the ways that stadium designers deal with challenges
unique to certain places.
After the tour, we went out for breakfast. I figured that since this was my last day on
vacation in the south, a nice helping of grits would be in order. So I ate some...the plain
type, not the cheese. I still can't say that I like them a great deal, but I've now managed
to eat grits twice in my life without hurling.
We then headed back to the Cyclorama, which provides an informative overview of the Battle of
Atlanta, along with getting to see one of the largest paintings in the world depecting the
event. This attraction first opened back in the late 30's, shortly after the release of the
film Gone With The Wind. The cast of the movie was invited to see it. Clark Gable
remarked that it was pretty good, but it would be a whole lot better if he were included in
it somehow. So one of the figures in the diarama was added to depict Gable, as a fallen
soldier.
After taking in the Cyclorama, we decided that our sightseeing was concluded. We were both so
tired that we came back to our motel room and took a nap. Then we had dinner and got everything
packed up and prepared for our flight back to Denver tomorrow.
We went out to dinner late afternoon. On the way back to our motel, I saw a high school football team out practising. I know you people are serious about football down here, but geez, people, it's May!!! High school students should be wrapping up proms, playing in the baseball finals and getting ready for graduation. Nobody plays football in May.
I'd love to be able to say that we are departing the south with a heavy heart. But even as
much as we have enjoyed our vacation, the best crossing of the Mason-Dixon line is always the
north bound one. Perhaps it's the feeling of having the words "liberal yankee" ever tatooed on
my forehead, but this place couldn't be further from home. I realize that some good ole boy
out there will probably take offense and pen a song stating that a Southern Man don't need
me around anyhow, either, and that is just fine by me. Sing it and rebel yell to it in
good health. I really don't mind. Crank up the volume and play it in all the strip joints
(that appear to outnumber book stores 10 to 1 down here) and I'll not be the least offended.
Just remember as y'all are enjoying the show, don't spill any of that Jack Daniels on your
Bible...it leaves a stain that won't come out.
Number of times I've heard someone say "Y'all" in the past 9 days: 816,247
Day 10: John Denver once lamented in song, "It's a long way from this place to Denver..." I think he probably wrote that in Atlanta. After hunting around for the place to turn in our rental car, we had a fairly lengthy wait at the airport, mostly because we game ourselves more than ample time in case any unforseen difficulties arose...such as having to hunt for half an hour to find out where to turn in our car. The flight home was nice. We had a plane with televisions at every seat, which I personally love. I don't actually watch the TV. I usually watch the real time flight data which shows you exactly where you are on the map, altitude, temperature, ground speed etc. That actually keeps me occupied through a 3 and a half hour flight.
It was a very wonderful vacation and as always, a lot of people showed us a great deal of hospitality. We are deeply indebted to all who went out of their way to make sure we had a special time. Our heartfelt thanks to all who made this trip special for us.
A KEX'S AMAZING WORLD PICTORAL ESSAY
DENVER 2008: A MOMENT IN HISTORY
It was 45 years ago, on August 28, 1963 the Reverend Martin Luther King stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. and spoke to his followers about a magnificent dream. On August 28, 2008 that his dream will take a giant leap toward coming true when Barack Obama will accept the Democratic Party's nomination as President of the United States here in Denver.
The following is a pictoral essay of some of the things that can be seen in Denver as the convention unfolds:
Harry Truman's Presidential Limo
Harry prepares to step out to great us
Some of the comforts of Harry's limo, although it was pretty spartan by modern standards
The cabin of Air Force One, the type used up through the Reagan years. A more comfortable 747 is now in service.
Air Force One Fusilage
The flight deck
Air Force One pilot controls up close
Air Force One communication center (reproduction)
A popular Air Force One souvenir
The President's Office aboard the plane. The gentleman was an onboard security officer through Bush I
The Presidental Seal aboard the plane
Another view of the President's onboard office
The President's onboard sleeping quarters. The 747's have a full sized bedroom
Onboard work area for other personnel, usually the President's secretary.
Kex and Joy enjoy the onboard comforts
One of several rockers used by President Kennedy
President Lincoln sat in a chair identical to this one on the night of April 15, 1865 at Ford's Theater.
Jackie Kennedy wore a suit identical to this one twice. Once on a trip to Europe with the President. The other was on a very bad day in Dallas, Texas in November of 1963.
Campaign memorabilia from bygone days
A Kennedy-Johnson campaign poster
A Bobby Kennedy campaign poster
One for the Kexkateers: To sleep, perchance to dream....
The Oval Office sitting area
Portrait of George Washington over the Oval Office fireplace
Some example of White House china. Each new First Lady selects a new pattern
Another for the Kexkateers: "First question, Helen Thomas?"
A dress worn by Mary Todd Lincoln
A shot of the CSPAN mobile studio
The front of the CSPAN mobile studio
The control area inside the CSPAN mobile studio
The interview area in the CSPAN mobile studio
The first known photographs of Mary Todd and Abraham Lincoln
The oldest known surviving writing from Abraham Lincoln, penned when he was in grade school
The 1860 Electoral map. The blue states were those carried by President Lincoln
Bad news sweeps a troubled nation.
Some images from Lincoln's assasination
Bedside death vigil for a President
Denver dressed to the nines. These red banners and similar blue ones adorn the 16th Street mall a few blocks from The Pepsi Center, where most of the convention activites will take place.
A contemporary campaign button for Obama
A button comemorating the two conventions that have been held in Denver. In 1908, the Democrats nominated populist William Jennings Bryant as their candidate here. In 2008, it will be Senator Barack Obama. (apologies for the photo quality)
This popular campaign button commemorates Obama's acceptance speech on the anniversary of King's speech.
Other assorted souvenirs
Ummm, yeah...a few more LOL
One of the numerous teeshirts available around town
Still more souvenirs
Another popular teeshirt
And a few more souvenirs....
CONGRATULATIONS TO SENATOR BARACK OBAMA, DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE AND NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
